“What did you just say to me?!” Have you ever stared into the face of someone that you deeply offended and asked yourself “Wait, what did I just say?!” It goes without saying that we’ve all stuck our foot in our mouth at one time or another. A thoughtless phrase or outdated joke that you didn’t mean to tell, or an opinion that you really hadn’t put too much thought into.
It’s so easy to let the words fly, but impossible to take back. And now, here he is, an offended person that can’t believe what you just said. I know in my case, I couldn’t believe it either. I’ve stood in awkward silence replaying my last few words to confirm whether I do or don’t agree with my blatant statement.
We all try to have as few of those moments as possible, but when we do, we often learn from our mistakes and improve because of it. I propose that in this same way, carefully preparing public presentations can make us better people.
Thinking Before Speaking
One of the great things about public speaking is that regardless of the subject, we often have time to prepare what to say in advance. Even if the topic is considered controversial or if it includes bad news for a certain part of the audience, we generally have an opportunity to deliver the message as gently as possible.
Not that controversy doesn’t make for a good speech, but there’s a big difference between showing tact and showing disregard for other people’s feelings.
What does it mean to have tact? One dictionary defines tact as “the ability to avoid upsetting or offending people by being careful not to say or do things that would hurt their feelings.” In other words, the truth can hurt, but there’s no need to be hurtful about it.
Not Imposed Censorship
Now, I’ve apologized more times than I can count for poorly chosen jokes or silly ideas. So I’m not the kind of person that feels put off by criticism over misspoken words. I’m certainly not a “you can’t tell me what to think!” type of individual. But if the subject I’m discussing is that important to me, I have probably already considered a gentle approach to that subject, especially if it’s a sensitive one.
More often than not, the issues that end up causing offense are issues that I haven’t given much thought to, and thus, are not really that important to me. That’s not to say they’re not important, nor that it won’t become important to me. But if someone gets offended over something that is not that close to my heart, why would I be upset, especially if I could learn something in the process?
Tactfully Editing Your Way to Self-Improvement
As this relates to public speaking, when you’re preparing your speech, you have decisions to make about how you’ll present your material. You certainly want to be remembered, and there’s various ways to do that, including using controversy.
Intentionally offending people just to make a point is a lazy and hurtful way to go about delivering your message. Conversely, when you demonstrate that you’ve considered other peoples feelings and opinions carefully, you will often find that even people that disagree with you will still accept your message with only minor discomfort.
As Harry Truman once said, “Tact is the ability to step on a man’s toes without messing up the shine on his shoes.” We do this by letting the other person know that we have considered and respect their opinion, even though we still hold our own differing opinion. And, if you respect another person’s thoughts and feelings, you’ll often receive the same courtesy in return.
The most powerful part of using tact in your editing is less about catering to sensitive feelings, and more about gaining a deeper understanding of your audience. We often spend so much time formulating a defense for our point of view, we rarely look deeply into the counterargument.
I once worked in a woodshop crafting ornate wine racks out of various expensive woods. I wasn’t much of a woodworker, so I was put on a tedious job of cutting hundreds of sticks for a specific section of the construction. The master woodworker in the shop preferred I use a radial arm saw, citing that it was much more accurate than the chop saw that I preferred. Doing it my way, I was producing extremely accurate measurements and at a good pace.
Still, one day the master woodworker couldn’t take it anymore. He stopped me and explained that if I was having such great results with what he considered an inferior tool, then I was going to do much better if I committed to the radial arm saw. What I had to explain, was that as a teenager I accidentally amputated 2 of my fingers on a radial arm saw. I simply didn’t trust that approach, and frankly, did I really need it? Of course, after inspecting the repaired damage on my hand, he never brought up the subject again.
The point? Our efforts to be helpful to our audience requires understanding their point of view. And sometimes, what we learn in that process may change our stance altogether, or motivate us to choose a different way to make our point. Whatever the change, if it’s motivated by a consideration of their feelings, we’re going to be a kinder, more empathetic, and effective speaker.
Taking Tactful Time
So, if you’ve been following our courses and you’re either researching the topic of your speech or outlining your main points to support it, it’s time to review with tact.
Ask yourself: “Would someone be offended by this opinion or conclusion from data?
If the answer is yes, you will need to consider how to present the information in a more palatable or relatable way. And what if your attention-grabbing, thought-provoking title is ultimately of low value to the audience? As painful as it might be, it’s probably not worth the shock value.
Serving your audience low-quality data and controversial conclusions just to get their attention could alienate them and negatively affect your reputation.
Now you may say, “C’mon, get real. We both know that there’s plenty of people that are going to be offended no matter what.” And I will agree with you. Unfortunately, there is a cross-section of our culture right now that cannot accept that people are entitled to their own opinions. There may even be times during Q&A sessions when disgruntled people express themselves. But typically, by showing patience and respect for their feelings, the rest of the audience will lose respect for those people.
Delivering With Tactful Style
Again, taking the time to avoid offending your audience doesn’t mean I’m suggesting shying away from contentious topics. And the majority of professional speakers won’t even present controversial topics.
But as you go through the Speaking Guild’s speaking courses, you will learn elegant ways to consider even touchy subjects should the situation arise. Using tact as one of your early editing criteria will protect you from making thoughtless statements and causing unnecessary offense. It will also help you to become a more empathetic speaker. I think that will make anyone a better person.
